Want To Know How A Rebound Relationship Can Work In Your Favor?
January 29, 2009 | 1 Comment
If you have broken up with the love of your life and she is in a rebound relationship, how do you get her back?
A rebound relationship is one where she is dating someone else to get over you. Rebound relationships keep people from having to deal with the emotions of breaking up. They’re used to help people move on from a real love.
And that’s the key to getting your ex back. She’s in a rebound relationship to deal with losing you.
It does not matter why she lost you. It doesn’t matter if it is your fault or hers. It doesn’t even matter who actually called the relationship off. What matters is that you have a real love.
Because virtually all relationships founded on real love can be saved.
If she’s in a rebound relationship, she will be focusing on what is wrong with your relationship. If you were a “good guy” she’ll probably be hanging out with a “bad boy.” If you were into philosophy, he’ll be watching Monday Night Football. Or, vice versa.
The fact that she is actually focusing on the differences in your styles is actually good for you for two reasons. Her attention is still focused on you even when she’s with the new guy. And, it gives you a chance to see what she’s looking for.
If she’s with someone as different from you as possible, it means that she was missing something in your relationship. You can use the time she’s with rebound man to improve yourself.
Let the rebound relationship run its course. Because, as she spends time with the new guy, she’ll start to see the flaws in him. After a month or so with rebound man, you’ll start to look pretty good.
That’s why you don’t want to crawl back to her right away. Let her develop the idea that she misses the good things in the relationship. When she’s ready to make a move, be magnanimous. Welcome her back graciously. Be a new and improved boyfriend, but don’t do the chasing.
Here are some specific steps to take when your ex is in a rebound relationship:
· Don’t try to convince her that you are the love of her life. Let her discover this on her own.
· Don’t apologize profusely. If you did something wrong, you can say you’re sorry. Once. But move on. She knows the real reason she loves you.
· Don’t make promises to change. You are who you are and that’s who she fell in love with.
· Don’t try to make her see that it wasn’t your fault. She will come to appreciate that over time – but only if you haven’t made her invest energy in defending her position that it was your fault.
· Never, ever beg her to take you back.
When you ex starts going out with someone just after you break up, she’s in a rebound relationship. You can make up with her and get back together. Don’t despair. The rebound relationship is a sign that she’s still in love with you.
Here Are Seven Steps To Saving A Relationship
January 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her. Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs? Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved? Here’s how to save a relationship.
First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work. Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.
Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children. But that is not enough. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.
Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship. One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.
For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.
When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship.
Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.
Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday. If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another. And, then do it.
Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.
Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.
Choose a Dating Site That Works for You
January 28, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Did you think that the more online dating sites you’re on the better the outcome would be for you? Well, think again. Here is a great example of too much of a good thing.
A really close friend of mine did just that. In fact, she had her profile on seven sites. She was assuming that being on more online dating sites would increase her chances of finding Mr Right. However, she was always complaining about how she had to reply to too many emails and worse, she would always get confused about which potential date was best and who was who.
At first I admired her for being so dedicated but after a while she was getting stressed out and she admitted to having made some poor choices due to getting so confused and busy keeping up with the replies. Why? Well once you get involved with an online dating site (and I recommend you do), you have to keep your profile up to date. That includes your picture – a must have (sometimes several pictures) with most memberships. You can imagine amending and thinking about the changes and work that goes into changing those details over and over. It depicts a nightmare for me. I’d have issues keeping three online dating sites up to date never mind seven…whew!
Well, here’s what happened. She’s such a good friend, I decided to do some investigative research (look around a bit on the net). I was pleased to discover that a combination of the latest findings indicate the most successful outcomes from online dating sites come from users who commit to just the one online dating site. They dedicate all their attention to that one online dating site. They also do some research before selecting the online dating site that suits them best. That makes sense…right!
The big plus here is that people who are interested in you know where to find you. If they find you on too many online dating sites, well, that can add a desperation element to your profile. You don’t want that!
You can also fish around to see how many people are registered with the online dating site and what kind of quality control they have in place. Don’t join the first online dating site that you come to because the chances are you could do better. Good online dating sites are often promoted well and your single friends may well be able to recommend one they like.
Whatever you decide to do, don’t be like my friend and join a whole bunch of online dating sites. You’ll come unstuck and lose focus (like she did for a while). I showed her what I had learned and she decided to close all of her memberships and start again. Guess what! She is now dating with a clear head and as a result has met some really hot guys.
By the way, this same information applies to guys as well. In fact, most of the people interviewed were in fact guys which shows that the same rule applies to both sexes….I didn’t tell her that part – she’d kill me if she knew.
Sticking with one online dating site will save you time, money and trouble. Your chances of finding a partner are actually much higher when you stay with the one online dating site. Ditch all those other memberships now.
Get Your Ex Back
You Should Know That Ending a Relationship Breaking Up is Hard To Do
January 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Does your to-do list look something like this:
· Walk dog
· Water plants
· Break up with significant other
Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.
Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says “it’s caput.”
How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.
Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.
Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.
Don’t put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.
Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they don’t really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.
Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.