Getting Over Break Up Steps of Recovery
March 8, 2009 | Leave a Comment
Are you getting over break up right now? Do you hurt so bad that you feel like your heart is going to explode? Do you want to see the other person one minute and want to kill them the next? That is all par for the course when you are getting over break up.
Just as there are stages of grief when mourning someone who has diet, there are also steps that must be taken when getting over break up. One woman whose first husband died and second husband divorced her said that it was actually easier getting over the death of a husband than it was recovering from divorce. That is because there’s societal support when someone dies, but you are supposed to go about getting over break up on your own.
The first thing you should do is sit down and write a long letter to your ex. Pour out your heart. Share the experiences you had together. Tell him or her why you loved them. Put on paper how you feel about the break up. Call them names. It’s okay to emote in this letter because no one is ever going to see it. That is because you are going to light a candle and burn the letter over the candle’s flame. There are not many rituals that go along with breaking up, but this one can help you on the road to emotional recovery.
Next, you need to arrange to exchange stuff. If you have been in a relationship of any length, you probably have some stuff of his at your place and he’s got your things at his. You probably want much of this stuff back and he or she is equally eager to get theirs. Work out a time for a mutual exchange.
If there are things of your ex’s that aren’t going to be exchanged, either box them up or throw them away. Don’t leave your ex’s toothbrush lying around the bathroom because it will only remind you of them as you are trying to go about getting over break up.
It is also a good idea to box up any gifts your ex gave you for a time. Wearing a watch that your ex gave you will make you think of them every time you check to see what time it is. That’s just not a good idea when getting over break up.
There are sometimes financial matters that need to be straightened out when getting over a break up. If you owe your ex money, try to either pay it off from your own funds or get another loan to pay it off. If you have a checking account together, work out how you are going to divvy it up and then go to the bank to close it.
What you should be seeing is a pattern of closing out the parts of your lives that you shared. This is essential to getting over break up.
After you have done what is necessary, agree to have no contact for thirty days. This will allow you to start building separate lives. You shouldn’t call, text, email, or meet the other person during this time. You may even want to agree that some places such as a specific bar or even a given church “belong” to one party or the other during this month long period.
After you have had time to begin building a separate life, you will be able to interact more normally once again. This is a difficult time, so give yourself the space you need in order to go about getting over break up.
Are You Taking Steps To Get Girl Back?
February 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment
When you’ve broken up with someone you care about you have a hard time thinking of anything but how to get girl back. If you truly want this to happen, you’ll probably have to make some changes. Whatever happened to cause the break up should be looked at. Was it something you did, or didn’t do? Is it something that you can still fix, or is it too late?
If it was something you did or didn’t do and you can fix it now, then fix it. Undo something, or do something you should have done already. Apologize and make amends. This alone might not get girl back, but it’s the first step on the path to getting her back. If whatever happened can’t be fixed, then at the very least make sure she knows that you’re sorry and that you’d change what happened if you could.
Now that you’ve moved past what caused the break up, the next step to get girl back is to make her want you back. That sounds like common sense, but so many people don’t do it. If the relationship ended with her angry, then you have to show her the you that makes her happy again. You’re going to have to be especially patient and forgiving. Be as sweet as you can possibly be when you talk to her or see her.
Even if you’re angry at the time or you feel far from happy, at least show her the most pleasant side of yourself you can. Make her remember your good qualities and what she liked about you when you were happy. If she feels you have truly apologized for what caused the break up and she sees your sweet side again, you might be able to get girl back.
It’s important to pay close attention when you see or talk to her. Listen carefully and don’t interrupt. Let her express herself without jumping in and telling her how she ought to feel or what she ought to do. You won’t get girl back by trying to boss her around!
You also need to pay close attention to see if your efforts are having an effect. Sometimes you can see that she’s softening to you. She talks nicer when she sees you, and you have been seeing her more often. Maybe she even seeks you out more often than she did before. Or she seeks you out now after ignoring you for a long time. Your efforts to get girl back are working!
Because she’s so impressed with how sweet you are, she wants to be around you more. And that only reminds her why she wanted to be with you in the first place. Pay careful attention also if you suddenly stop seeing her as much as before, or she becomes distant or angry talking when you see her. That’s a good sign that you’re pushing and she’s uncomfortable. Take a break and you’ll have a better chance to get girl back.
Your Moving On The Break Up Is Over
February 18, 2009 | 1 Comment
Sometimes moving on (break up, loss or other major change) is difficult. It’s rarely easy unless you’re so glad to get out of a situation that you can’t wait to make changes and move on. A break up disrupts your whole life. Everything you do and see seems to remind you of your ex. If you had many mutual friends, even going out to keep from going stir crazy can be difficult.
One of the biggest hurdles you have to face when you’re ready to move on is your family and friends. If your ex was popular with your family, you’re going to get tired of questions about the situation. You must explain to them that you’re moving on, break up is over, and that you don’t appreciate constantly being reminded of your ex and the past relationship.
Sometimes this is difficult for family to deal with. They want to keep bringing up the person in the hopes that you’ll get back together. You can just explain, “Moving on, break up is over, that’s that.” Eventually they’ll come around because they’re your family and they love you. It’s probably going to be harder to deal with when it comes to your friends.
If you didn’t have many mutual friends, then it should be less of a problem. But if the two of you often hung out with the same group of people, then you going alone to be with those friends is going to seem strange to everyone for a while. And then there’s the problem of your ex wanting to hang out with the friends, too. You might even run into each other as you each attempt to hang out with your mutual friends. This doesn’t mean that it’s necessary when you’re moving on break up with your friends. It’s just simply going to be more difficult to maintain some of those friendships once the relationship is over.
As difficult as it seems, when you say, “Moving on, break up is history,” you may have to give up some of those friendships. You and your ex may each have to keep in touch with only certain friends in your group of mutual friends. Just try to maintain good contact and relationships with those you’re closest to and allow your ex to do the same with the others. While this can be painful, it’s probably easiest on everyone because they don’t have to choose which of you to be loyal to and which to avoid.
Sometimes the “moving on break up” period is just too difficult when you’re surrounded by mutual friends and so many places to go together. If possible, go on a vacation to get away from the same scenery and people. Take a vacation with a friend who isn’t involved in the situation; maybe a friend of yours who wasn’t friends with your ex. This can help you get some perspective. Once you’ve declared, “moving on; break up over” then if you can take some time away it can help you a great deal.
Learn How To Win Back Lost Love
February 9, 2009 | Leave a Comment
If you’ve had a break-up, you’re probably either trying to figure out how to get over the person, or how to win back lost love. Neither is very easy, but most people fall to one or the other, with only very few able to move on quickly without pining or wishing things could be different. You should really think hard about the relationship and your ex before you do anything. Think about how things were and how they will be now. Try to be as unbiased as you can. You might decide that the break-up really isn’t a bad idea.
If you decide to try to win back lost love, the first step is to apologize. You might think you’ve done this. You might have said you were sorry several times. But if your ex thought you were apologizing just to stop a break-up, he or she might not think the apology was sincere.
If you were the one who did something that you need to apologize for, apologize again. Now they might think the apology is sincere, because nothing hinges on it. If the relationship has ended, you won’t be saying it only to save it but they will believe that you really mean it. (And hopefully, you do.)
When your ex was the one who did something worth apologizing for, then rather than try to get a sincere apology from them, forgive them. You may never forget, especially if your break-up was because of cheating, but you must learn to forgive. Forgiving is much harder for some of us than merely saying, “I forgive you,” though, so you might want to read a book or two on forgiveness and how to really mean it. If you want to win back lost love, this step will help you do it. And it can help prevent problems in the future, too.
If you do succeed and you win back lost love, 3 or 6 or 9 months into the newly patched relationship, old issues might come up. If you haven’t forgiven the person for whatever was done to break up the relationship, then you might have a hard time getting past everything. Old wounds would be reopened and it’s likely that hurtful things would be said.
But if you can truly forgive the person, then there won’t be any need to rehash the past. While you’re working on forgiving him or her for whatever happened to cause the break up, forgive them for the break up itself and you’ll save yourself lots of grief down the road.
Also, to win back lost love, show the person the “you” they fell in love with, not the “you” that has been dumped. They were with you because you have certain qualities-kindness, thoughtfulness-not because you’re angry, jealous or hurt. While you might not be able to hide the hurt, concentrate on being the best “you” you can possibly be and you may win back lost love by reminding them why they loved you in the first place.
